Enlightenment or Prep for the Apocalypse?

The question of everyone’s minds: what to do with all this free time? This is not normal, it never has been since the dawn of man. Don’t think your 9 to 5 job is any more or less time consuming than the hunting and gathering our cavemen and women ancestors did. We are experiencing a unique point in history where a ridiculously large portion of the planet has nothing to do.

If you want to maximise productivity, there’s two routes you can go down. Use this time to look into yourself. Money has become meaningless, and the distractions of a busy life have been silenced. It’s so quiet that you can hear yourself for the first time since you were a child. Giving enough attention to this can lead you on a path of rediscovery.


Heed the wake up call. If you haven’t already noticed, global warming is real and has been trying to kill us all long before Miss Rona came along. The world IS ending, but not because of some virus. As Joe Rogan put it, this is a dress rehearsal for the apocalypse. You now begin preparing yourself for total societal collapse. Start building up a store of long last foods, learn to forage, start getting fit, etc.

Town at midday – the day after isolation restrictions were put in place

Self Discovery

This is the perfect opportunity to slow down. You work a 9 to 5, so when you get home you don’t have time to work on yourself, and when you do have time to spare you spend it with friends. With both work and friends gone, it’s just a you, and maybe some family members or a partner.

Finding out things about yourself will be great in the short term, giving you new ways to keep yourself sane during this indefinite period of social isolation. It will also be beneficial in the near future when restrictions are lifted, as you take your new good habits into the world, and leave old ones behind. Theoretically, you should just be happier if this works, which is nice.

Take this a step further and start up meditation and yoga. I also recommend practising Wim Hof’s breathing techniques for some interesting mind and body experiences.

In the absence of a climbing gym, I discovered that I could climb around a table

Prepare for the Apocalypse!

The end of the world is fast approaching, and in such biblical proportions that I wouldn’t be surprised to see Jesus suddenly step down from the sky and take all the believers away to heaven. Great floods, immense wildfires, swarms of locusts, and now disease, we truly are living in the end of days.

Since you’re a sinner through and through, and Jesus won’t take you, you must take your chances with the simultaneously swimming and burning planet. You prepare for the day the world ceases to function, gradually removing the support struts that hold up your existence, until you can finally stand on your own two feet.

There’s no need to start sleeping outside and eating wild garlic and rabbits just yet, enjoy your comfort while you’ve got it. However you will need to be able to sleep outside if it ever becomes required of you. You should be equipped with knowledge of your local foraging spots. You also need to learn how to catch small animals, so you have some fresh meat to supplement your tinned foods with.

Practice watching the world burn

The Other Option

Or you could just chill? Not worry about accomplishing any task too great. Maybe play some Sims? Read a book? Have a drink and a smoke? Sit in the garden if you’ve got one. It’ll be all systems go when we get out of lock-down, so take this time to rest before re-entering the capitalist machine, as we scramble to pick up the pieces of our undoubtedly fucked economy.

Speaking of fucking the economy, whatever happened to Brexit? Are we still doing that? Is that still a good idea? Was it ever a good idea? I digress…

So if you can’t see yourself getting spiritual, and don’t fancy yourself the Bear Grylls type, enjoy this time off. A moment of peace before we set the wheels of destruction back into motion, annihilating the planet and jumping into the abyss after it.

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